Because I Can

Ashley has tagged me with the "Why I Blog" meme. This is a really easy one. I blog because I want to share my wisdom, such as it is, with the next generation of goofballs. I blog because sometimes I get pissed off and I just need to tell somebody. Well, everybody. I blog because sometimes my do stuff that needs to be fully documented. I blog because every so often I take a picture that I think is worth showing to other people. I blog because there's always a chance, however small, that I can make people I've never met blow their coffee out through their noses and onto their monitors. And that's something worth striving for.

Oh crap. Now I have to be all memey and tag people. Fine. I tag Craig and only Craig. Spill it.'s U-N-I-T-A-R-I-A-N. Huh huh huh. He said "baloney." Get your minds out of the gutter, , this is a religion post. My thesis here today is that Unitarian Universalism, the religion I seem to have fallen into, has a stupid name. Being fully aware that several of my fellow congregants and possibly one or two of the other half dozen UUs in the world read this site, let me issue the following disclaimer: I love my church. I love the people in my church. They're my peeps. Well, most of them, anyway. The nice ones. And the funny ones. Especially the nice funny ones. While I'm not 100% on-board with UUism (Who is? That would be so un-UU...), I have a warm spot in my heart for it.* At any rate (rhetorical flourish), this post is about just the name, on account of the fact that it (the name) is so very stupid. I may or may not have snarky comments about other facets of UUism at some point, but not now.

Let's start with the low-hanging fruit, which is hanging so low that it might be off the tree or lying on the ground, or maybe it's not even fruit. Maybe it's a handful of almonds. "Unitarian Universalist" is too damn long. It's not as long as "Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints," but it's long. (Why do they need ladders, anyway?) (Yes, please berate me for not knowing that it's "latter.") The LDS folks can get away with it because 1) there are so many of them, and 2) there are so many of them. There aren't many UUs, so I don't think we can afford to have a tongue-twister for a name. It screams "niche." NEEEEEEEEESH! Hear it? Now that I think about it, "Unitarian Universalist" and "Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints" both have ten syllables. So it's worse than I thought. But their ten syllables are all in nice short accessible words like "Jesus." We've got two five-syllable Winnebagos in there. OK, so it's true that no one says "latter" in daily usage unless they're pretentious pricks like me, but does anyone, anywhere, ever say "Unitarian" in any other context, well, outside of UU churches and divinity schools and Garrison Keillor? Yes, that was rhetorical. Point being, the name is too long.

Second, "Unitarian Universalist" says "failed merger." Pick one name, or make up a new one. The company that owns KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Long John Silver's and A&W; isn't called KFC Taco Bell Pizza Hut Long John Silver's A&W;, or even Silver Pizza Chicken Bell. It's called Yum! Which is actually too bad, because if "Yum!" wasn't taken, I'd suggest it for the UUs. Our sheet cake and Costco veggie lasagna are legendary. I guess this is a corollary to the "too damn long" point, but I think it's worth mentioning on its own.

But it's even worse than that, because the name is not even descriptive. It's like K & W Silver Bell Pizza Chicken sold hardwood floors. I don't think most UUs would identify themselves as either Unitarians (renouncing the Trinity and advocating the singularity and wholeness of God) or Universalists (believing that Salvation is available to all). I know I don't. I don't care if there is one Invisible Sky Wizard or three, because if I'm right, he/she/they don't exist, and if I'm wrong, I don't see the big downside to having two additional vengeful omnipotent beings cheesed off at me...smote is smote. I guess two could rest while the other torments me and then they could tag in, but I've got to believe they'll all have better things to do. World hunger and all. Regarding Universalism, I'm thinking the whole salvation thing is a pipe dream. We're stuck, campers, and when it's over, it's over. Make the best of it, and try to be nice. There may be some oldsters who still line up on one side or the other. We've got a guy in our church who's 167 years old, more or less, and I bet he could go on at length about the virtues of either Unitarianism or Universalism, but I don't think most of the rank and file care. We're mostly agnostics or atheists (whee!) with some pagans and Buddhists and other New Age types thrown in.

Have I convinced you? I know I've convinced myself, and that's what's important.

Assuming you buy into the whole "heart as more than blood pump" scenario, and you believe there are temperature differentials therein, and that they mean something more than "this part is hotter than that part." I, of course, don't buy into any of that, but it's just convenient shorthand for "I like it" and I'm going to assume openness and good nature on your part so that even if, like me, you don't think cardiac thermography has a meaningful semantic component, you're willing to cope.