Appearing naked in other people's dreams
is a concept which occurred to me as I woke up this
morning from a dream in which I was naked. It's about
time someone added this important idea to our literary
and cultural heritage.
Advantages to appearing naked in other
people's dreams seem infinitely numerous, but I'll
limit the possibilities. When appearing naked in other
people's dreams, it's preferable to use one's "power"
for good and not evil.
If you've ever been naked in a dream
of your own, you're aware of how vulnerable you feel
at the time -- especially if you're standing naked
at a major intersection during rush hour. Wouldn't
it be nice if someone came by to stand next to you?
If there were another naked person standing next to
you, you'd feel much more confident of standing naked
in the middle of the street while automobile traffic
swirls around you. You could even engage in conversation
with your guest, and the act of engaging in a lighthearted
discussion would distract you from your embarrassment.
Many married couples could also benefit
from the experience of appearing naked in one another's
dreams. At night, if you're more interested in sleep
than in your libido, it would be an opportune time
to ask your spouse to make a naked appearance in your
dreams. You could engage in the glorious art of love-making
while you're both sleeping heavily. Any anatomical
problems suffered while awake could be corrected in
the dream, and at the speed of thought (which is arguably
faster than light).
Don't want kids? No money? No time?
No desire to change diapers? No good schools in your
area? No problem! Having sex with your spouse while
dreaming is perfectly safe. A snowball in hell would
have a better chance of conception, and you'll save
bundles of your hard-earned money on contraceptive
devices. Be creative if you'd really like an heir:
Have a child in the dream, win the lottery shortly
after the birth, hire a maid to change the diapers,
become President of the city council and have a school
built in your back yard. Hire as many police officers
as you'd like to watch the school. If you're still
feeling stressed from the financial and temporal burden
of children, don't worry! You'll either wake up from
the dream, or the child will turn 18 before the dreams
While appearing naked in other people's
dreams, don't underestimate the power of giving them
visions. Visions are an effective way to get the other
person to achieve goals you'd like to see him or her
accomplish. Alternatively, selfish reasons are a driving
force within humanity, and provide a good incentive
for giving people visions.
Most people deserve a raise at work.
Give your employer a vision. Appear naked in one of
his dreams, and remember to properly announce yourself.
First, inform him that they are having a vision. If
you fail to do that, your success rate of giving people
visions will not achieve the maximum potential.
After you've completed step one, proceed
to request a raise for yourself. Don't be greedy.
I'm sure your co-workers are equally deserving of
a raise. Before you speak on behalf of your co-workers,
however, make sure you've qualified yourself for a
raise. After all, you're special, and there's only
If your employer doesn't seem convinced
he's having a vision, tell him something only you
would know. Think back to any private conversations
you've had with him. If that method of persuasion
proves ineffective, fall back on threats. Don't worry
about committing acts of violence -- you'll only be
bluffing. If threats don't work, try performing miracles.
Be creative though -- don't perform a miracle that's
already been used in the Bible, Koran, Torah, or any
other popular spiritual manuscript.
Are you the boss? Give your employees
visions so they'll be more accepting of lay-offs,
cuts in pay, or slave labor. If you break the law,
however, be prepared to give visions to federal agents
and any other law enforcement officials you may encounter.
Parents, are your children misbehaving?
Are you unhappy with their grades? Is your teenager
paying too much money for drugs? Apply similar principles
for giving them visions, and soon you'll have the
perfect child you've always dreamt about.
Anyone reading to this point has probably
waited for an important question to be answered, "How
do I appear naked in other people's dreams?" Deeply
apologetic, I confess I don't have the answer. Had
I been born a science fiction writer I could easily
provide that crucial piece of information. I don't
know when the instructions will become available,
but when it does, you'll need this article for reference.
Please print a copy and retain it for your records.
by Andy Alt Mental Dimensions Humor Ezine
Warped minds can come here for observational humor,
comedy editorials, farce, satire and spoof
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