The following are some classic written excuses given to teachers in the
Alburquerque public school system:

"Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,
32, and also 33."

"Please excuse Dianne from being absent yeaterday. She was in bed with
gramps."

"Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault."

"Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side."

"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face."

"Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor."

"Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over."

"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please
execute him."

"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit
in the growing part."

"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this
weekend with the Marines."

"Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a
tree and misplaced her hip."

"Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."

"Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat,
headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore
throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going
around, her father even got hot last night."

"Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating."

"George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach."

"Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout."

"Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."

"Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals."

"Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had Diah (*crossed
out*), diahoah (*crossed out*), dyah (*crossed out*), the shits."