Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.--Billiam Coronel
The statistic on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.--Rita Mae Brown

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.--Rich Cook

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.--Marcel Achard

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.--Bertolt Brecht

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.--Ellen DeGeneres

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.--Albert Camus

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.--George Carlin

Journalism consists largely I saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive.--G.K.Chesterton

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.--George Gobel

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.--Carol Leifer

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.--Aaron Machado

It was such a lovely day I thought it's a pity to get up.--W. Somerset Maugham

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.--Groucho Marx

I cannot be bought.. but I can be rented.--Don O'Shaughnessy

He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm.--Don O'Shaughnessy

Bad artists copy. Great artists steal.--Picasso