Quotes by Groucho Marx

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.

Hello, I must be going.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Time wounds all heels.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.