"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"

"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"

"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."

"Death to all fanatics!"

"Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"

"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."

"Wink, I'll do the rest!"

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."