"Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone I love."

"Love is the answer... but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions."

"If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips."

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."

"I didn't know he was dead... I thought he was British."

"Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end."

"My brain? it's my second favorite organ."

"The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem."

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead."

"Sex is only dirty if it's done right."