What the Doctor Really Means When He Says...

"This should be taken care of right away."

I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.


"Welllllll, what have we here..."

Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.


"We'll see."

First I have to check my malpractice insurance.


"Let me check your medical history."

I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.


"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."

I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit.


"We have some good news and some bad news."

The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it.


"How are we today?"

I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like crap.


"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

I don't know what the heck it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.


"Everything seems to be normal."

I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.


"I'd like to run some more tests."

I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one