* Dickson's Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

* Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* One good turn gets most of the blankets.

* There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

* Life is sexually transmitted.

* An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

* If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?

* ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.

* Willie was a Chemist, But Willie is no more, What Willie thought was H20 Was H2SO4.

* A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

* Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

* Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

* Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

* Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

* If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.