1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(But that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special.)

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And how would that be?)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's just a suggestion, after all.)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down."
(Oops, too late!)

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(Thanks for the warning; I would hate to be caught off guard by something like that.)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(NOW you tell me?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope so, wouldn't they?)

10. On a box of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious)

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
(Wait till the FDA hears about this!)

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta)

14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
(Well, that was a waste of 15 bucks.)