Lawyers are often the victims of unfair ridicule and cruel jokes. This is our contribution to this unfortunate and wildly amusing practice (which, of course, we don't condone).

LAWYER JOKES
Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.

IDEAL WEIGHT
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.

STAMP RECALL
The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

ONE EVERY HOUR
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

VULTURES
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

TOXIC WASTE
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?
A: New Jersey got first choice.

NO FURY
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

BIRTH CONTROL
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

LIGHT BULB
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?